Struggle [struhg-uh l]: Verb
To contend resolutely with a task, problem; a task or goal requiring much effort to accomplish or achieve.
It all started when I graduated college back in 2013. This was when I would begin my personal path of discovery. My mind has always worked a bit differently than those around me. Some would even say I have an old soul, and I can’t exactly disagree. To be free and wild in my own world is who I am and wanted to be.
After graduation, I moved back home into my parent’s house. Although I was very fortunate and grateful they welcomed me home as I worked an unpaid summer internship, I began experiencing strange feelings of depression. I’m sure there are others who have experienced this too, as it is an awkward transition from the comfortable world of minimal responsibility, unlimited access to friends, and the routine of parties and fun, to actual real adult life. We follow the path we are influenced to take; one we think we are supposed to follow, and can only hope to find a full time job in the field in which we’d studied for those years and earned a degree in.
Lucky for me after months of searching, I landed a job that I enjoyed and was somewhat in my desired field of Law Enforcement/Security. I liked this job for a little while and then began to realize it was not at all what I wanted to do and ended up not taking it seriously. This particular job could have been a stepping stone to further my career but I encountered a few hiccups that ended in taking a slight detour. I was feeling quite discouraged with finding a job in my desired field; everything required experience in which I had none. So forward I went with accepting a random job I had fun with and was good at.
During this time, I had been living in a college town surrounded by friends, some of which were still going to school, and continued to participate in the college lifestyle. I was drinking multiple days out of the week, being irresponsible with money, and making excuses for bad behavior. I guess you could say it was my coping mechanism for missing my own college friends and not really knowing where I was supposed to be in life. This didn’t get me very far and I was beginning to push friendships to their breaking points while trying to gather my footing before I fell completely face first. I was feeling very lost.
I found myself struggling with a sadness from within that I could not describe. All I knew was that this phase I was in could not last forever. This was not where I was meant to be and I needed to get my act together and figure out what it was that I wanted to do with and get from my life. However, changing my mind and plan seemed to be the usual routine for me for a while. I had no idea what I would end up doing, where I would end up going, or how I would get to where I was meant to be. But I knew it would happen eventually and all of this struggling and hurting was temporary.
And just like that, opportunity slapped me in the face! During a birthday celebration filled with close family friends, Vegas casinos, and a lot of booze; someone asked me, “Do you want to live in Iowa forever?” Now don’t get me wrong, I love Iowa for the family and friends I grew up with in a safe community that I called Home. However, my answer was still, “NO.” Something about living in Iowa never sat right with me. There was so much more out in the world that I had to see and experience.
Thirty days later, I had quit my job, packed my car and my dog, and was driving almost 1,500 miles to Mesa, Arizona where I would live with those close family friends and begin that fresh next chapter I was needing!
Okay, so here I am again making yet another crazy decision. It might seem irrational to uproot my life and leave everything I knew to start over somewhere new; I had no job, or any leads of one, and knew no one outside of my family of five I was living with. Yet somehow it was exciting, scary, and totally awesome all wrapped up into one.
In the following weeks after moving I was experiencing new emotions and a new struggle of trying to find my place in my new Home. I was applying and getting rejected by job after job and still couldn’t find where my college degree was going to benefit me. Almost 3 months into living in Arizona I landed my first job, as a dispatcher, at a flight training school. Who would have thought? Again I had no idea what I was doing but for the first time I was excited to see where it would take me.
Soon after starting my job and absolutely loving it, I felt it was time to fly the coop. I moved out of Perkin’s Palace and into a 400 square foot 1-bedroom apartment. It was a nice little cozy spot for my dog and me; expensive, but cozy.
Fast forward a few months – I began traveling… a lot; 6 states in less than one year, I met my boyfriend who I’ve since then moved in with, welcomed another miniature golden doodle into my fur baby family, traveled internationally twice within two months, added a few more states to my list, met so many new people, developed wonderful friendships, and now have started blogging.
I started this blog with the intention of sharing the adventures I’ve been on since moving to Arizona. I wanted to encourage people to take that leap of faith they’ve been thinking about and be an example of how things will work out if only you give it an honest chance. My blog has turned into a sacred place where I share things, feelings, and experiences. Taking this chance has opened my eyes to so many possibilities, changed my outlook on life, given me the courage to pursue my dreams, and overall has brought me true happiness. I have never felt so at home here in Arizona.
I am so thankful for the struggles that led me on this path of discovery. I’m grateful for all of the people who have had a hand in changing my life and standing by me through the sadness, even if you didn’t realize it. This journey has helped me realize the important things in life. I no long have that aching sadness from within and know that I am strong enough to endure whatever is in front of me. My outlook on life is unlike any other because of the decisions and steps I took to get where I am today. I cannot wait to see where this journey will continue to take me.
Thank you to those of you who:
Supported me, believed in me, loved me, stood by me, helped me, encouraged me, visited me, and who continue to be a huge part of my life.
& even to those of you who:
Did not support me, did not believe in me, chose to talk badly about me, made me feel guilty, and for choosing to no longer participate in my life.
For I am a better person today because of this journey and the life I have chosen for myself.
Success [suh k-ses]: Noun
The favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors; the accomplishment of one’s goals.